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The Sorrows of Young Werther (55) by J.W. von Goethe
DECEMBER 12.
Dear Wilhelm, I am reduced to the condition of those unfortunate
wretches who believe they are pursued by an evil spirit. Sometimes I am
oppressed, not by apprehension or fear, but by an inexpressible internal
sensation, which weighs upon my heart, and impedes my breath! Then
I wander forth at night, even in this tempestuous season, and feel
pleasure in surveying the dreadful scenes around me.
Yesterday evening I went forth. A rapid thaw had suddenly set in: I
had been informed that the river had risen, that the brooks had all
overflowed their banks, and that the whole vale of Walheim was under
water! Upon the stroke of twelve I hastened forth. I beheld a
fearful sight. The foaming torrents rolled from the mountains in the
moonlight,–fields and meadows, trees and hedges, were confounded
together; and the entire valley was converted into a deep lake, which
was agitated by the roaring wind! And when the moon shone forth, and
tinged the black clouds with silver, and the impetuous torrent at
my feet foamed and resounded with awful and grand impetuosity, I was
overcome by a mingled sensation of apprehension and delight. With
extended arms I looked down into the yawning abyss, and cried,
“Plunge!'” For a moment my senses forsook me, in the intense delight of
ending my sorrows and my sufferings by a plunge into that gulf! And then
I felt as if I were rooted to the earth, and incapable of seeking an end
to my woes! But my hour is not yet come: I feel it is not. O Wilhelm,
how willingly could I abandon my existence to ride the whirlwind, or to
embrace the torrent! and then might not rapture perchance be the portion
of this liberated soul?
I turned my sorrowful eyes toward a favourite spot, where I was
accustomed to sit with Charlotte beneath a willow after a fatiguing
walk. Alas! it was covered with water, and with difficulty I found even
the meadow. And the fields around the hunting-lodge, thought I. Has our
dear bower been destroyed by this unpitying storm? And a beam of past
happiness streamed upon me, as the mind of a captive is illumined by
dreams of flocks and herds and bygone joys of home! But I am free from
blame. I have courage to die! Perhaps I have,–but I still sit here,
like a wretched pauper, who collects fagots, and begs her bread from
door to door, that she may prolong for a few days a miserable existence
which she is unwilling to resign.
The Sorrows of Young Werther (Die Leiden des jungen Werther) by J.W. von Goethe. Translated by R.D. Boylan.
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The Sorrows of Young Werther (54) by J.W. von Goethe
DECEMBER 6.
How her image haunts me! Waking or asleep, she fills my entire soul!
Soon as I close my eyes, here, in my brain, where all the nerves of
vision are concentrated, her dark eyes are imprinted. Here–I do not
know how to describe it; but, if I shut my eyes, hers are immediately
before me: dark as an abyss they open upon me, and absorb my senses.
And what is man–that boasted demigod? Do not his powers fail when he
most requires their use? And whether he soar in joy, or sink in sorrow,
is not his career in both inevitably arrested? And, whilst he fondly
dreams that he is grasping at infinity, does he not feel compelled to
return to a consciousness of his cold, monotonous existence?
THE EDITOR TO THE READER.
It is a matter of extreme regret that we want original evidence of the
last remarkable days of our friend; and we are, therefore, obliged
to interrupt the progress of his correspondence, and to supply the
deficiency by a connected narration.
I have felt it my duty to collect accurate information from the mouths
of persons well acquainted with his history. The story is simple; and
all the accounts agree, except in some unimportant particulars. It is
true, that, with respect to the characters of the persons spoken of,
opinions and judgments vary.
We have only, then, to relate conscientiously the facts which our
diligent labour has enabled us to collect, to give the letters of the
deceased, and to pay particular attention to the slightest fragment from
his pen, more especially as it is so difficult to discover the real and
correct motives of men who are not of the common order.
Sorrow and discontent had taken deep root in Werther’s soul, and
gradually imparted their character to his whole being. The harmony of
his mind became completely disturbed; a perpetual excitement and mental
irritation, which weakened his natural powers, produced the saddest
effects upon him, and rendered him at length the victim of an exhaustion
against which he struggled with still more painful efforts than he had
displayed, even in contending with his other misfortunes. His mental
anxiety weakened his various good qualities; and he was soon converted
into a gloomy companion, always unhappy and unjust in his ideas, the
more wretched he became. This was, at least, the opinion of Albert’s
friends. They assert, moreover, that the character of Albert himself had
undergone no change in the meantime: he was still the same being whom
Werther had loved, honoured, and respected from the commencement. His
love for Charlotte was unbounded: he was proud of her, and desired that
she should be recognised by every one as the noblest of created beings.
Was he, however, to blame for wishing to avert from her every appearance
of suspicion? or for his unwillingness to share his rich prize with
another, even for a moment, and in the most innocent manner? It is
asserted that Albert frequently retired from his wife’s apartment during
Werther’s visits; but this did not arise from hatred or aversion to
his friend, but only from a feeling that his presence was oppressive to
Werther.
Charlotte’s father, who was confined to the house by indisposition, was
accustomed to send his carriage for her, that she might make excursions
in the neighbourhood. One day the weather had been unusually severe, and
the whole country was covered with snow.
Werther went for Charlotte the following morning, in order that, if
Albert were absent, he might conduct her home.
The beautiful weather produced but little impression on his troubled
spirit. A heavy weight lay upon his soul, deep melancholy had taken
possession of him, and his mind knew no change save from one painful
thought to another.
As he now never enjoyed internal peace, the condition of his fellow
creatures was to him a perpetual source of trouble and distress. He
believed he had disturbed the happiness of Albert and his wife; and,
whilst he censured himself strongly for this, he began to entertain a
secret dislike to Albert.
His thoughts were occasionally directed to this point. “Yes,” he would
repeat to himself, with ill-concealed dissatisfaction, “yes, this is,
after all, the extent of that confiding, dear, tender, and sympathetic
love, that calm and eternal fidelity! What do I behold but satiety and
indifference? Does not every frivolous engagement attract him more than
his charming and lovely wife? Does he know how to prize his happiness?
Can he value her as she deserves? He possesses her, it is true, I know
that, as I know much more, and I have become accustomed to the thought
that he will drive me mad, or, perhaps, murder me. Is his friendship
toward me unimpaired? Does he not view my attachment to Charlotte as
an infringement upon his rights, and consider my attention to her as a
silent rebuke to himself? I know, and indeed feel, that he dislikes me,
that he wishes for my absence, that my presence is hateful to him.”
He would often pause when on his way to visit Charlotte, stand still, as
though in doubt, and seem desirous of returning, but would nevertheless
proceed; and, engaged in such thoughts and soliloquies as we have
described, he finally reached the hunting-lodge, with a sort of
involuntary consent.
Upon one occasion he entered the house; and, inquiring for Charlotte,
he observed that the inmates were in a state of unusual confusion.
The eldest boy informed him that a dreadful misfortune had occurred
at Walheim,–that a peasant had been murdered! But this made little
impression upon him. Entering the apartment, he found Charlotte engaged
reasoning with her father, who, in spite of his infirmity, insisted on
going to the scene of the crime, in order to institute an inquiry. The
criminal was unknown; the victim had been found dead at his own door
that morning. Suspicions were excited: the murdered man had been in
the service of a widow, and the person who had previously filled the
situation had been dismissed from her employment.
As soon as Werther heard this, he exclaimed with great excitement,
“Is it possible! I must go to the spot–I cannot delay a moment!” He
hastened to Walheim. Every incident returned vividly to his remembrance;
and he entertained not the slightest doubt that that man was the
murderer to whom he had so often spoken, and for whom he entertained
so much regard. His way took him past the well-known lime trees, to the
house where the body had been carried; and his feelings were greatly
excited at the sight of the fondly recollected spot. That threshold
where the neighbours’ children had so often played together was stained
with blood; love and attachment, the noblest feelings of human nature,
had been converted into violence and murder. The huge trees stood there
leafless and covered with hoarfrost; the beautiful hedgerows which
surrounded the old churchyard wall were withered; and the gravestones,
half covered with snow, were visible through the openings.
As he approached the inn, in front of which the whole village was
assembled, screams were suddenly heard. A troop of armed peasants was
seen approaching, and every one exclaimed that the criminal had been
apprehended. Werther looked, and was not long in doubt. The prisoner
was no other than the servant, who had been formerly so attached to the
widow, and whom he had met prowling about, with that suppressed anger
and ill-concealed despair, which we have before described.
“What have you done, unfortunate man?” inquired Werther, as he advanced
toward the prisoner. The latter turned his eyes upon him in silence, and
then replied with perfect composure; “No one will now marry her, and
she will marry no one.” The prisoner was taken into the inn, and Werther
left the place. The mind of Werther was fearfully excited by this
shocking occurrence. He ceased, however, to be oppressed by his usual
feeling of melancholy, moroseness, and indifference to everything
that passed around him. He entertained a strong degree of pity for the
prisoner, and was seized with an indescribable anxiety to save him from
his impending fate. He considered him so unfortunate, he deemed his
crime so excusable, and thought his own condition so nearly similar,
that he felt convinced he could make every one else view the matter in
the light in which he saw it himself. He now became anxious to undertake
his defence, and commenced composing an eloquent speech for the
occasion; and, on his way to the hunting-lodge, he could not refrain
from speaking aloud the statement which he resolved to make to the
judge.
Upon his arrival, he found Albert had been before him: and he was a
little perplexed by this meeting; but he soon recovered himself, and
expressed his opinion with much warmth to the judge. The latter shook,
his head doubtingly; and although Werther urged his case with the utmost
zeal, feeling, and determination in defence of his client, yet, as we
may easily suppose, the judge was not much influenced by his appeal.
On the contrary, he interrupted him in his address, reasoned with
him seriously, and even administered a rebuke to him for becoming
the advocate of a murderer. He demonstrated, that, according to this
precedent, every law might be violated, and the public security utterly
destroyed. He added, moreover, that in such a case he could himself do
nothing, without incurring the greatest responsibility; that everything
must follow in the usual course, and pursue the ordinary channel.
Werther, however, did not abandon his enterprise, and even besought the
judge to connive at the flight of the prisoner. But this proposal
was peremptorily rejected. Albert, who had taken some part in the
discussion, coincided in opinion with the judge. At this Werther became
enraged, and took his leave in great anger, after the judge had more
than once assured him that the prisoner could not be saved.
The excess of his grief at this assurance may be inferred from a note we
have found amongst his papers, and which was doubtless written upon this
very occasion.
“You cannot be saved, unfortunate man! I see clearly that we cannot be
saved!”
Werther was highly incensed at the observations which Albert had made
to the judge in this matter of the prisoner. He thought he could detect
therein a little bitterness toward himself personally; and although,
upon reflection, it could not escape his sound judgment that their view
of the matter was correct, he felt the greatest possible reluctance to
make such an admission.
A memorandum of Werther’s upon this point, expressive of his general
feelings toward Albert, has been found amongst his papers.
“What is the use of my continually repeating that he is a good and
estimable man? He is an inward torment to me, and I am incapable of
being just toward him.”
One fine evening in winter, when the weather seemed inclined to thaw,
Charlotte and Albert were returning home together. The former looked
from time to time about her, as if she missed Werther’s company. Albert
began to speak of him, and censured him for his prejudices. He
alluded to his unfortunate attachment, and wished it were possible
to discontinue his acquaintance. “I desire it on our own account,” he
added; “and I request you will compel him to alter his deportment toward
you, and to visit you less frequently. The world is censorious, and I
know that here and there we are spoken of.” Charlotte made no reply,
and Albert seemed to feel her silence. At least, from that time he never
again spoke of Werther; and, when she introduced the subject, he allowed
the conversation to die away, or else he directed the discourse into
another channel.
The vain attempt Werther had made to save the unhappy murderer was the
last feeble glimmering of a flame about to be extinguished. He sank
almost immediately afterward into a state of gloom and inactivity, until
he was at length brought to perfect distraction by learning that he
was to be summoned as a witness against the prisoner, who asserted his
complete innocence.
His mind now became oppressed by the recollection of every misfortune
of his past life. The mortification he had suffered at the ambassador’s,
and his subsequent troubles, were revived in his memory. He became
utterly inactive. Destitute of energy, he was cut off from every pursuit
and occupation which compose the business of common life; and he became
a victim to his own susceptibility, and to his restless passion for the
most amiable and beloved of women, whose peace he destroyed. In this
unvarying monotony of existence his days were consumed; and his powers
became exhausted without aim or design, until they brought him to a
sorrowful end.
A few letters which he left behind, and which we here subjoin, afford
the best proofs of his anxiety of mind and of the depth of his passion,
as well as of his doubts and struggles, and of his weariness of life.
The Sorrows of Young Werther (Die Leiden des jungen Werther) by J.W. von Goethe. Translated by R.D. Boylan.
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The Sorrows of Young Werther (53) by J.W. von Goethe
DECEMBER 1.
Wilhelm, the man about whom I wrote to you--that man so enviable in his
misfortunes--was secretary to Charlotte's father; and an unhappy passion
for her which he cherished, concealed, and at length discovered, caused
him to be dismissed from his situation. This made him mad. Think, whilst
you peruse this plain narration, what an impression the circumstance has
made upon me! But it was related to me by Albert with as much calmness
as you will probably peruse it.
DECEMBER 4.
I implore your attention. It is all over with me. I can support this
state no longer. To-day I was sitting by Charlotte. She was playing
upon her piano a succession of delightful melodies, with such intense
expression! Her little sister was dressing her doll upon my lap. The
tears came into my eyes. I leaned down, and looked intently at her
wedding-ring: my tears fell--immediately she began to play that
favourite, that divine, air which has so often enchanted me. I felt
comfort from a recollection of the past, of those bygone days when that
air was familiar to me; and then I recalled all the sorrows and the
disappointments which I had since endured. I paced with hasty strides
through the room, my heart became convulsed with painful emotions. At
length I went up to her, and exclaimed With eagerness, "For Heaven's
sake, play that air no longer!" She stopped, and looked steadfastly at
me. She then said, with a smile which sunk deep into my heart, "Werther,
you are ill: your dearest food is distasteful to you. But go, I entreat
you, and endeavour to compose yourself." I tore myself away. God, thou
seest my torments, and wilt end them!
The Sorrows of Young Werther (Die Leiden des jungen Werther) by J.W. von Goethe. Translated by R.D. Boylan.
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The Sorrows of Young Werther (52) by J.W. von Goethe
NOVEMBER 26.
Oftentimes I say to myself, “Thou alone art wretched: all other mortals
are happy, none are distressed like thee!” Then I read a passage in an
ancient poet, and I seem to understand my own heart. I have so much to
endure! Have men before me ever been so wretched?
NOVEMBER 30.
I shall never be myself again! Wherever I go, some fatality occurs to
distract me. Even to-day alas–for our destiny! alas for human nature!
About dinner-time I went to walk by the river-side, for I had no
appetite. Everything around seemed gloomy: a cold and damp easterly wind
blew from the mountains, and black, heavy clouds spread over the plain.
I observed at a distance a man in a tattered coat: he was wandering
among the rocks, and seemed to be looking for plants. When I approached,
he turned round at the noise; and I saw that he had an interesting
countenance in which a settled melancholy, strongly marked by
benevolence, formed the principal feature. His long black hair was
divided, and flowed over his shoulders. As his garb betokened a person
of the lower order, I thought he would not take it ill if I inquired
about his business; and I therefore asked what he was seeking. He
replied, with a deep sigh, that he was looking for flowers, and could
find none. “But it is not the season,” I observed, with a smile. “Oh,
there are so many flowers!” he answered, as he came nearer to me. “In my
garden there are roses and honeysuckles of two sorts: one sort was
given to me by my father! they grow as plentifully as weeds; I have been
looking for them these two days, and cannot find them. There are flowers
out there, yellow, blue, and red; and that centaury has a very pretty
blossom: but I can find none of them.” I observed his peculiarity, and
therefore asked him, with an air of indifference, what he intended to
do with his flowers. A strange smile overspread his countenance. Holding
his finger to his mouth, he expressed a hope that I would not betray
him; and he then informed me that he had promised to gather a nosegay
for his mistress. “That is right,” said I. “Oh!” he replied, “she
possesses many other things as well: she is very rich.” “And yet,” I
continued, “she likes your nosegays.” “Oh, she has jewels and crowns!”
he exclaimed. I asked who she was. “If the states-general would but pay
me,” he added, “I should be quite another man. Alas! there was a time
when I was so happy; but that is past, and I am now–” He raised his
swimming eyes to heaven. “And you were happy once?” I observed. “Ah,
would I were so still!” was his reply. “I was then as gay and contented
as a man can be.” An old woman, who was coming toward us, now called
out, “Henry, Henry! where are you? We have been looking for you
everywhere: come to dinner.” “Is he your son?” I inquired, as I went
toward her. “Yes,” she said: “he is my poor, unfortunate son. The Lord
has sent me a heavy affliction.” I asked whether he had been long in
this state. She answered, “He has been as calm as he is at present for
about six months. I thank Heaven that he has so far recovered: he was
for one whole year quite raving, and chained down in a madhouse. Now he
injures no one, but talks of nothing else than kings and queens. He used
to be a very good, quiet youth, and helped to maintain me; he wrote a
very fine hand; but all at once he became melancholy, was seized with a
violent fever, grew distracted, and is now as you see. If I were only to
tell you, sir–” I interrupted her by asking what period it was in which
he boasted of having been so happy. “Poor boy!” she exclaimed, with a
smile of compassion, “he means the time when he was completely deranged,
a time he never ceases to regret, when he was in the madhouse, and
unconscious of everything.” I was thunderstruck: I placed a piece of
money in her hand, and hastened away.
“You were happy!” I exclaimed, as I returned quickly to the town, “‘as
gay and contented as a man can be!'” God of heaven! and is this the
destiny of man? Is he only happy before he has acquired his reason, or
after he has lost it? Unfortunate being! And yet I envy your fate: I
envy the delusion to which you are a victim. You go forth with joy to
gather flowers for your princess,–in winter,–and grieve when you can
find none, and cannot understand why they do not grow. But I wander
forth without joy, without hope, without design; and I return as I came.
You fancy what a man you would be if the states general paid you. Happy
mortal, who can ascribe your wretchedness to an earthly cause! You
do not know, you do not feel, that in your own distracted heart and
disordered brain dwells the source of that unhappiness which all the
potentates on earth cannot relieve.
Let that man die unconsoled who can deride the invalid for undertaking
a journey to distant, healthful springs, where he often finds only a
heavier disease and a more painful death, or who can exult over the
despairing mind of a sinner, who, to obtain peace of conscience and an
alleviation of misery, makes a pilgrimage to the Holy Sepulchre. Each
laborious step which galls his wounded feet in rough and untrodden paths
pours a drop of balm into his troubled soul, and the journey of many a
weary day brings a nightly relief to his anguished heart. Will you dare
call this enthusiasm, ye crowd of pompous declaimers? Enthusiasm! O God!
thou seest my tears. Thou hast allotted us our portion of misery: must
we also have brethren to persecute us, to deprive us of our consolation,
of our trust in thee, and in thy love and mercy? For our trust in the
virtue of the healing root, or in the strength of the vine, what is it
else than a belief in thee from whom all that surrounds us derives its
healing and restoring powers? Father, whom I know not,–who wert once
wont to fill my soul, but who now hidest thy face from me,–call me back
to thee; be silent no longer; thy silence shall not delay a soul which
thirsts after thee. What man, what father, could be angry with a son for
returning to him suddenly, for falling on his neck, and exclaiming, “I
am here again, my father! forgive me if I have anticipated my journey,
and returned before the appointed time! The world is everywhere the
same,–a scene of labour and pain, of pleasure and reward; but what does
it all avail? I am happy only where thou art, and in thy presence am I
content to suffer or enjoy.” And wouldst thou, heavenly Father, banish
such a child from thy presence?
The Sorrows of Young Werther (Die Leiden des jungen Werther) by J.W. von Goethe. Translated by R.D. Boylan.
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The Sorrows of Young Werther (51) by J.W. von Goethe
NOVEMBER 21.
She does not feel, she does not know, that she is preparing a poison
which will destroy us both; and I drink deeply of the draught which is
to prove my destruction. What mean those looks of kindness with which
she often–often? no, not often, but sometimes, regards me, that
complacency with which she hears the involuntary sentiments which
frequently escape me, and the tender pity for my sufferings which
appears in her countenance?
Yesterday, when I took leave she seized me by the hand, and said,
“Adieu, dear Werther.” Dear Werther! It was the first time she ever
called me dear: the sound sunk deep into my heart. I have repeated it a
hundred times; and last night, on going to bed, and talking to myself
of various things, I suddenly said, “Good night, dear Werther!” and then
could not but laugh at myself.
NOVEMBER 22
I cannot pray, “Leave her to me!” and yet she often seems to belong to
me. I cannot pray, “Give her to me!” for she is another’s. In this way
I affect mirth over my troubles; and, if I had time, I could compose a
whole litany of antitheses.
NOVEMBER 24.
She is sensible of my sufferings. This morning her look pierced my very
soul. I found her alone, and she was silent: she steadfastly surveyed
me. I no longer saw in her face the charms of beauty or the fire of
genius: these had disappeared. But I was affected by an expression much
more touching, a look of the deepest sympathy and of the softest pity.
Why was I afraid to throw myself at her feet? Why did I not dare to take
her in my arms, and answer her by a thousand kisses? She had recourse to
her piano for relief, and in a low and sweet voice accompanied the music
with delicious sounds. Her lips never appeared so lovely: they seemed
but just to open, that they might imbibe the sweet tones which issued
from the instrument, and return the heavenly vibration from her lovely
mouth. Oh! who can express my sensations? I was quite overcome, and,
bending down, pronounced this vow: “Beautiful lips, which the angels
guard, never will I seek to profane your purity with a kiss.” And
yet, my friend, oh, I wish–but my heart is darkened by doubt and
indecision–could I but taste felicity, and then die to expiate the sin!
What sin?
The Sorrows of Young Werther (Die Leiden des jungen Werther) by J.W. von Goethe. Translated by R.D. Boylan.
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The Sorrows of Young Werther (50) by J.W. von Goethe
NOVEMBER 8.
Charlotte has reproved me for my excesses, with so much tenderness and
goodness! I have lately been in the habit of drinking more wine than
heretofore. “Don’t do it,” she said. “Think of Charlotte!” “Think of
you!” I answered; “need you bid me do so? Think of you–I do not think
of you: you are ever before my soul! This very morning I sat on the
spot where, a few days ago, you descended from the carriage, and–” She
immediately changed the subject to prevent me from pursuing it farther.
My dear friend, my energies are all prostrated: she can do with me what
she pleases.
NOVEMBER 15.
I thank you, Wilhelm, for your cordial sympathy, for your excellent
advice; and I implore you to be quiet. Leave me to my sufferings. In
spite of my wretchedness, I have still strength enough for endurance.
I revere religion–you know I do. I feel that it can impart strength
to the feeble and comfort to the afflicted, but does it affect all men
equally? Consider this vast universe: you will see thousands for whom it
has never existed, thousands for whom it will never exist, whether it be
preached to them, or not; and must it, then, necessarily exist for me?
Does not the Son of God himself say that they are his whom the Father
has given to him? Have I been given to him? What if the Father will
retain me for himself, as my heart sometimes suggests? I pray you, do
not misinterpret this. Do not extract derision from my harmless words. I
pour out my whole soul before you. Silence were otherwise preferable to
me, but I need not shrink from a subject of which few know more than I
do myself. What is the destiny of man, but to fill up the measure of
his sufferings, and to drink his allotted cup of bitterness? And if that
same cup proved bitter to the God of heaven, under a human form, why
should I affect a foolish pride, and call it sweet? Why should I be
ashamed of shrinking at that fearful moment, when my whole being will
tremble between existence and annihilation, when a remembrance of
the past, like a flash of lightning, will illuminate the dark gulf of
futurity, when everything shall dissolve around me, and the whole world
vanish away? Is not this the voice of a creature oppressed beyond all
resource, self-deficient, about to plunge into inevitable destruction,
and groaning deeply at its inadequate strength, “My God! my God! why
hast thou forsaken me?” And should I feel ashamed to utter the same
expression? Should I not shudder at a prospect which had its fears, even
for him who folds up the heavens like a garment?
The Sorrows of Young Werther (Die Leiden des jungen Werther) by J.W. von Goethe. Translated by R.D. Boylan.
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The Sorrows of Young Werther (49) by J.W. von Goethe
NOVEMBER 3.
Witness, Heaven, how often I lie down in my bed with a wish, and even a
hope, that I may never awaken again. And in the morning, when I open my
eyes, I behold the sun once more, and am wretched. If I were whimsical,
I might blame the weather, or an acquaintance, or some personal
disappointment, for my discontented mind; and then this insupportable
load of trouble would not rest entirely upon myself. But, alas! I feel
it too sadly. I am alone the cause of my own woe, am I not? Truly,
my own bosom contains the source of all my sorrow, as it previously
contained the source of all my pleasure. Am I not the same being who
once enjoyed an excess of happiness, who, at every step, saw paradise
open before him, and whose heart was ever expanded toward the whole
world? And this heart is now dead, no sentiment can revive it; my eyes
are dry; and my senses, no more refreshed by the influence of soft
tears, wither and consume my brain. I suffer much, for I have lost
the only charm of life: that active, sacred power which created worlds
around me,–it is no more. When I look from my window at the distant
hills, and behold the morning sun breaking through the mists, and
illuminating the country around, which is still wrapped in silence,
whilst the soft stream winds gently through the willows, which have shed
their leaves; when glorious nature displays all her beauties before me,
and her wondrous prospects are ineffectual to extract one tear of joy
from my withered heart, I feel that in such a moment I stand like a
reprobate before heaven, hardened, insensible, and unmoved. Oftentimes
do I then bend my knee to the earth, and implore God for the blessing
of tears, as the desponding labourer in some scorching climate prays for
the dews of heaven to moisten his parched corn.
But I feel that God does not grant sunshine or rain to our importunate
entreaties. And oh, those bygone days, whose memory now torments me!
why were they so fortunate? Because I then waited with patience for
the blessings of the Eternal, and received his gifts with the grateful
feelings of a thankful heart.
The Sorrows of Young Werther (Die Leiden des jungen Werther) by J.W. von Goethe. Translated by R.D. Boylan.
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The Sorrows of Young Werther (48) by J.W. von Goethe
OCTOBER 27.
I could tear open my bosom with vexation to think how little we are capable of influencing the feelings of each other. No one can communicate to me those sensations of love, joy, rapture, and delight which I do not naturally possess; and, though my heart may glow with the most lively affection, I cannot make the happiness of one in whom the same warmth is not inherent.
OCTOBER 27:
Evening: I possess so much, but my love for her absorbs it all. I possess so much, but without her I have nothing. OCTOBER 30. One hundred times have I been on the point of embracing her. Heavens! what a torment it is to see so much loveliness passing and repassing before us, and yet not dare to lay hold of it! And laying hold is the most natural of human instincts. Do not children touch everything they see? And I!
The Sorrows of Young Werther (Die Leiden des jungen Werther) by J.W. von Goethe. Translated by R.D. Boylan.
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The Sorrows of Young Werther (47) by J.W. von Goethe OCTOBER 19. Alas! the void the fearful void, which I feel in my bosom! Sometimes I think, if I could only once but once, press her to my heart, this dreadful void would be filled.OCTOBER 26. Yes, I feel certain, Wilhelm, and every day I become more certain, that the existence of any being whatever is of very little consequence. A friend of Charlotte's called to see her just now. I withdrew into a neighbouring apartment, and took up a book; but, finding I could not read, I sat down to write. I heard them converse in an undertone: they spoke upon indifferent topics, and retailed the news of the town. One was going to be married; another was ill, very ill, she had a dry cough, her face was growing thinner daily, and she had occasional fits. "N--is very unwell too," said Charlotte. "His limbs begin to swell already," answered the other; and my lively imagination carried me at once to the beds of the infirm. There I see them struggling against death, with all the agonies of pain and horror; and these women, Wilhelm, talk of all this with as much indifference as one would mention the death of a stranger. And when I look around the apartment where I now am--when I see Charlotte's apparel lying before me, and Albert's writings, and all those articles of furniture which are so familiar to me, even to the very inkstand which I am using,--when I think what I am to this family--everything. My friends esteem me; I often contribute to their happiness, and my heart seems as if it could not beat without them; and yet---if I were to die, if I were to be summoned from the midst of this circle, would they feel--or how long would they feel the void which my loss would make in their existence? How long! Yes, such is the frailty of man, that even there, where he has the greatest consciousness of his own being, where he makes the strongest and most forcible impression, even in the memory, in the heart, of his beloved, there also he must perish,--vanish,--and that quickly. The Sorrows of Young Werther (Die Leiden des jungen Werther) by J.W. von Goethe. Translated by R.D. Boylan. To be continued fleursdumal.nl magazine
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The Sorrows of Young Werther (46) by J.W. von Goethe
OCTOBER 10.
Only to gaze upon her dark eyes is to me a source of happiness! And
what grieves me, is, that Albert does not seem so happy as he–hoped to
be–as I should have been–if–I am no friend to these pauses, but here
I cannot express it otherwise; and probably I am explicit enough.
OCTOBER 12.
Ossian has superseded Homer in my heart. To what a world does the
illustrious bard carry me! To wander over pathless wilds, surrounded by
impetuous whirlwinds, where, by the feeble light of the moon, we see the
spirits of our ancestors; to hear from the mountain-tops, mid the roar
of torrents, their plaintive sounds issuing from deep caverns, and the
sorrowful lamentations of a maiden who sighs and expires on the mossy
tomb of the warrior by whom she was adored. I meet this bard with silver
hair; he wanders in the valley; he seeks the footsteps of his fathers,
and, alas! he finds only their tombs. Then, contemplating the pale moon,
as she sinks beneath the waves of the rolling sea, the memory of
bygone days strikes the mind of the hero, days when approaching danger
invigorated the brave, and the moon shone upon his bark laden with
spoils, and returning in triumph. When I read in his countenance deep
sorrow, when I see his dying glory sink exhausted into the grave, as he
inhales new and heart-thrilling delight from his approaching union with
his beloved, and he casts a look on the cold earth and the tall grass
which is so soon to cover him, and then exclaims, “The traveller will
come,–he will come who has seen my beauty, and he will ask, ‘Where is
the bard, where is the illustrious son of Fingal?’ He will walk over my
tomb, and will seek me in vain!” Then, O my friend, I could instantly,
like a true and noble knight, draw my sword, and deliver my prince from
the long and painful languor of a living death, and dismiss my own soul
to follow the demigod whom my hand had set free!
The Sorrows of Young Werther (Die Leiden des jungen Werther) by J.W. von Goethe. Translated by R.D. Boylan.
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The Sorrows of Young Werther (45) by J.W. von Goethe
SEPTEMBER 15.
It makes me wretched, Wilhelm, to think that there should be men
incapable of appreciating the few things which possess a real value in
life. You remember the walnut trees at S--, under which I used to sit
with Charlotte, during my visits to the worthy old vicar. Those glorious
trees, the very sight of which has so often filled my heart with
joy, how they adorned and refreshed the parsonage yard, with their
wide-extended branches! and how pleasing was our remembrance of the
good old pastor, by whose hands they were planted so many years ago:
The schoolmaster has frequently mentioned his name. He had it from his
grandfather. He must have been a most excellent man; and, under the
shade of those old trees, his memory was ever venerated by me. The
schoolmaster informed us yesterday, with tears in his eyes, that those
trees had been felled. Yes, cut to the ground! I could, in my wrath,
have slain the monster who struck the first stroke. And I must endure
this!--I, who, if I had had two such trees in my own court, and one had
died from old age, should have wept with real affliction. But there is
some comfort left, such a thing is sentiment, the whole village murmurs
at the misfortune; and I hope the vicar's wife will soon find, by the
cessation of the villagers' presents, how much she has wounded the
feelings of the neighborhhood. It was she who did it, the wife of the
present incumbent (our good old man is dead), a tall, sickly creature
who is so far right to disregard the world, as the world totally
disregards her. The silly being affects to be learned, pretends to
examine the canonical books, lends her aid toward the new-fashioned
reformation of Christendom, moral and critical, and shrugs up her
shoulders at the mention of Lavater's enthusiasm. Her health is
destroyed, on account of which she is prevented from having any
enjoyment here below. Only such a creature could have cut down my walnut
trees! I can never pardon it. Hear her reasons. The falling leaves made
the court wet and dirty; the branches obstructed the light; boys threw
stones at the nuts when they were ripe, and the noise affected her
nerves; and disturbed her profound meditations, when she was weighing
the difficulties of Kennicot, Semler, and Michaelis. Finding that all
the parish, particularly the old people, were displeased, I asked "why
they allowed it?" "Ah, sir!" they replied, "when the steward orders,
what can we poor peasants do?" But one thing has happened well. The
steward and the vicar (who, for once, thought to reap some advantage
from the caprices of his wife) intended to divide the trees between
them. The revenue-office, being informed of it, revived an old claim to
the ground where the trees had stood, and sold them to the best bidder.
There they still lie on the ground. If I were the sovereign, I should
know how to deal with them all, vicar, steward, and revenue-office.
Sovereign, did I say? I should, in that case, care little about the
trees that grew in the country.
The Sorrows of Young Werther (Die Leiden des jungen Werther) by J.W. von Goethe. Translated by R.D. Boylan.
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The Sorrows of Young Werther (44) by J.W. von Goethe
SEPTEMBER 5.
Charlotte had written a letter to her husband in the country, where he
was detained by business. It commenced, “My dearest love, return as
soon as possible: I await you with a thousand raptures.” A friend who
arrived, brought word, that, for certain reasons, he could not return
immediately. Charlotte’s letter was not forwarded, and the same evening
it fell into my hands. I read it, and smiled. She asked the reason.
“What a heavenly treasure is imagination:” I exclaimed; “I fancied for a
moment that this was written to me.” She paused, and seemed displeased.
I was silent.
SEPTEMBER 6.
It cost me much to part with the blue coat which I wore the first time I
danced with Charlotte. But I could not possibly wear it any longer.
But I have ordered a new one, precisely similar, even to the collar and
sleeves, as well as a new waistcoat and pantaloons.
But it does not produce the same effect upon me. I know not how it is,
but I hope in time I shall like it better.
SEPTEMBER 12.
She has been absent for some days. She went to meet Albert. To-day
I visited her: she rose to receive me, and I kissed her hand most
tenderly.
A canary at the moment flew from a mirror, and settled upon her
shoulder. “Here is a new friend,” she observed, while she made him perch
upon her hand: “he is a present for the children. What a dear he is!
Look at him! When I feed him, he flutters with his wings, and pecks so
nicely. He kisses me, too, only look!”
She held the bird to her mouth; and he pressed her sweet lips with
so much fervour that he seemed to feel the excess of bliss which he
enjoyed.
“He shall kiss you too,” she added; and then she held the bird toward
me. His little beak moved from her mouth to mine, and the delightful
sensation seemed like the forerunner of the sweetest bliss.
“A kiss,” I observed, “does not seem to satisfy him: he wishes for food,
and seems disappointed by these unsatisfactory endearments.”
“But he eats out of my mouth,” she continued, and extended her lips to
him containing seed; and she smiled with all the charm of a being who
has allowed an innocent participation of her love.
I turned my face away. She should not act thus. She ought not to excite
my imagination with such displays of heavenly innocence and happiness,
nor awaken my heart from its slumbers, in which it dreams of the
worthlessness of life! And why not? Because she knows how much I love
her.
The Sorrows of Young Werther (Die Leiden des jungen Werther) by J.W. von Goethe. Translated by R.D. Boylan.
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